


half-tones of the soul’s consciousness.

by Growtear



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:37:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7038436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Growtear/pseuds/Growtear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendol Hux disappears from his cell one day. In the middle of the chaos, Ben Solo goes missing and everything begins to fall apart.</p>
<p>Or, the story of two men. Their time together and eventually their downfall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	half-tones of the soul’s consciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my wonderful [beta](http://oforlikelalune.tumblr.com/), that saved me and helped me with this thing.
> 
> Now with the amazing, fantastic, lovely [art](http://the-pudding-is-a-lie.tumblr.com/post/145561737092/this-one-was-quite-a-challenge-pinch-hitter-art) of [the-pudding-is-a-lie](http://the-pudding-is-a-lie.tumblr.com/) go and check all her art because is really delicious.

1.

The seventh day of the Resistance’s victory, General Hux disappears.

On a starry night, the man seems to vanish from the cell they keep him in. One moment he is there, bloody, beaten, defeated, and deep in self-hatred and shame. The next, almost a minute later, he is gone leaving behind blood and the faint smell of fear and sweat. The smell of someone who almost died with his people but got caught before he exploded with the rest of his kill- machine.

General Organa is the first to act, demanding a thoroughly search, looking at the records to any sign of how could the General escape. There’s nothing and hours later, Poe Dameron enters with a grim face telling everyone in the room that there’s no sign of Hux. Not in the base, not in the forest, not in the planet. He disappeared like thin air and Leia frowns, her brows almost touching. She looks at the man sitting in the farthest corner of the room.

The man looks at her, calm and with something like reassurance in his brown eyes. Leia knows those eyes from other times, in another face, but refuses to surrender and she keeps talking about the next step for looking at Hux. She knows he is a dangerous man. A wounded but very clever predator than is better to keep locked. She also knows they have to find him quickly.

Poe leaves moments later with Finn behind him. Rey offers a warm smile and Leia feels the gently tug of the Force towards the little girl that walks out the room trailed by all the people in charge for the now, Hux mission. Leia knows there’s a traitor among them because nobody fade out like that and less from a base well equipped by both soldiers and droids.

After a few moments just she and Ben are left. She wants to ask but doesn’t know how, after the victory, finally the damaged link between her son and she seems to stand in a new light. And is terrifying because she doesn’t know this man. He has the big brown eyes and the big nose, the same curly hair and he makes the same little noises when he is handling the lightsaber. But somehow, he still isn’t Ben Solo.

Leia wants to reach but she knows better, she stays still and gives him a little smile.

“We will find him”, she offers and Ben nods shortly, his mouth set and his eyes looking at something she cannot see.

The eighth day of the Resistance’s victory, Ben Solo disappears too.

 

2.

The rain began one evening. While Hux read a report with the glasses slowing down his nose and with a cigarette between his fingers; the first drop fell down over the helmet of a stormtrooper and soon there were more that follow the first one. It didn’t matter because his army had to function under any climatic circumstance but Hux didn’t like the rain. Something had to do with the family he preferred not to remember and the childhood that he was more than happy to ignore, but also it was the matter of humidity. Humidity put him uncomfortable and obligated him to try and not suffocate himself under the heavy uniform, the fabric rough against his skin and his hair a rebel mess against his nape.

Hux ignored the rain for three days, giving orders as always, eating and living as always. Waiting until the weather get better the next few days of his imposed isolation to resupply the Finalizer, Hux distracted himself by organizing and planning. Trying to disregard the fact that even if they accomplished the mission and got everything they needed, no one could return to the ship until Kylo Ren got his own mission done.

It’s frustrating, being tied up to a man without control over his actions, but Hux follows orders, ignoring the weather and the absence of Kylo Ren that feels like a bad omen upon all of them. Hux gives orders and writes reports, talks with his engineers about the construction of his Starkiller and trains with the troops in his free time.

This goes on for four days. Hux is full of nervous energy, smoking like a chimney and passing his fingers between his hair every time he is alone. The dark circles under his eyes looks terrible in his pale face and Phasma looks intently at him when they are alone in the camping, listening the night sounds that comes from the forest and deciding is better not to talk about things that shouldn’t be said.

On the fifth day, his head feels heavy and he has to read twice the same report to understand more than just nonsense. It would seem that the constant sound of rain against the metal and the floor will be permanently recorded in his brain. _Drop, drop, drop_. Hux undoes the top button of his uniform. _Drop, drop, drop_. Hux takes a big swig of brandy that Phasma brought him from Commenor, is hot and feels heavy in his throat but is all he has at his disposal. _Drop, drop, drop_.

_‘Is just rain, darling, nothing more and nothing less.’_

Hux gasps, surprised by the clear voice of his mother, the last melodious note echoing in his mind. He hates the rain. As a child he dreamed that the water would reach the sky endlessly, eternal and murderous, Hux in his bed with the water seeping through his lungs and unable to make a sound or ask for help. Hux would die drowned, with the feeling of being alone in an endless sea, too late to swim to the surface that always seems unattainable.

_‘Is just rain. I am with you in the bottom of that sea. Don’t you see?’_

A second voice, Hux remembers a voice that has been distorted over time. A voice that resides in the memory of his memoirs and that is hidden in a corner compacted among others –more important, more _relevant_ memories. But right now, the voice calms him, chasing away his anxiety. The small box, full of memories from other times –better times- begins to unfold and Hux breathes deeply once, twice, three times before letting out a sigh that becomes shaky but nobody listens.

Still it raining after that, but Hux feels strangely comforted by the memory of that voice. A voice that was forgotten with time, Hux didn’t want that to happen it just did. He regrets to see that the memories of his mother are more prevalent than his imaginary friend but he supposes it isn't healthy to feel affection for fantasies.

Fantasies kill men and empires. They kill gods and planets. They killed Hux once, but that time had passed and the pain became scorn and Hux learned to ignore the voice and the warmth, he learned that he had a home between war and the cold aisles ships.

After a week and a half, Kylo Ren returns, rain-soaked and with the coat, boots and helmet splattered with mud and something resembling blood. Hux reviews a report sent from the Finalizer, immersed in the letters and news that are somehow repetitive. The change in the environment was sudden and impressive. Tension, anger, confusion and fear. It was then that Hux, accustomed to perceive those emotions in his troops and around it like a thick fog, knew.

Kylo Ren entered his tent, when Hux adjusted his uniform and tried to continue reading the eventualities of his ship. The man smells like musty, iron and electricity. He has something hidden in his cloak but that issue is irrelevant. Hux observes with disgust the state of Ren's attire but decides not comment. He fought a lot for a moment of peace despite the damned rain and does not want to ruin everything with Ren deployments.

“I see you're back, then I guess we can withdraw from this planet”. Hux mentioned almost disinterested even though his hands are sweaty and the sound of the rain seems to increase. Something's wrong.

“When did it start to rain?” Kylo Ren asks, as usual ignoring Hux and weaving his own conversation.

Hux throws him a sideway look, struggling between explode after days of nervous contained energy or answer quickly so they won’t have any excuse to loss their time in that planet, with the damp and the rain.

“Four days after you left”, he says and Ren inclines slightly his head, the mask dim for the dirt and mud in it. Hux suddenly has an extreme curiosity for the thing Kylo Ren hides, a suspicion forming itself in his mind that is confirmed for the Knight’s next words.

“It won’t stop raining”, he says, cynical, cryptic and infuriating. “I have what I wanted, General, you can give the pertinent orders to return as soon as possible.

With that said, Kylo Ren leaves his tent, after him the scent of wet ground and ozone. Hux stays a few minutes staring at the entrance. He remembers the words Ren told him but he doesn’t find the missing piece of information that Hux need to complete the puzzle. Angry with himself, Hux stands, adjusting his uniform and coming out the tent to put everything in order.

A few hours later, the planet is barely visible in the distance and Hux begins to forget again. The voice of his mother and the voice of his friend. The sound of the rain, the dampness against his skin and Kylo Ren’ scent. Electrifying, suffocating. The scent of some perverse treasure looter who stole the one left in that small planet.

Hux looks out the viewport and, as always, organizes.

 

3.

He wakes up with a strangled scream. The cold sweat soaking his clothes and his hair, his breathing ragged and his heart beating hard against his chest. His eyes get used to the low light and he tries to identify the objects surrounding him. The seconds pass slowly and the panic is heavy in his throat. He is terrified and gets up quickly, his legs trembling and barely supporting his weight. He wants to remember how he got there but everything is a mess of ideas frozen by the terror.

He is dead. That’s the only logic answer and Hux begins to resign himself to his personal hell when someone opens the door and the low light defines the silhouette of his companion.

“Lights forty percent”, the voice is familiar and something breaks in Hux’s fragile mind.

Kylo enters the room and suddenly every memory drifts inside, the terror becomes rage and Hux feels comfortable again. Kylo is not Kylo anymore and Hux evaded that great little truth that he perceived before everything fell apart. But in that moment the evidence lies in his eyes and Hux can’t ignore the truth anymore. Kylo is the traitor, is Ben Solo, the jedi that transformed the remain pieces of the First Order to dust.

Both look at each other for a while, checking the changes and the similarities, trying to guess the other’s thoughts and Hux knows that he is in a huge disadvantage. The information is in Ben Solo’ side and Hux know that knowledge is everything. He has no idea where they are, the purpose of all that mess. The memories of what happened before he woke up are still blurred and he knows that is the traitor doing, his mind a victim of those tricks that Solos were always proud about.

Even so, Hux doesn’t talk. If his suspicions about Solo’s changes are true, the man will talk first and will tell him everything he needs to know. Hux doesn’t want to think about the differences, happy to try and avoid watching the physical contradictions and also happy to try and ignore the emotional ones. He doesn’t need that. His situation is already too complicated without adding the always inherent problems of the Skywalkers.

 “I don’t want to fight with you, Hux”, he says and the voice is calm but with a something authoritarian in it. “I’m not your enemy”, at that Hux wants to laugh so he does. The traitor gesture falls and he looks disappointed.

Kylo Ren. Ben Solo. Disappointed of Hux. His life is now a big joke.

 “No, you are not my enemy”, he says and a cold smile dances between his lips, Hux shrugs and continues: “You are a traitor, enemy of the First Order”.

 “The First Order is gone. Snoke, the Finalizer, the other Starkillers”, Solo says this with a compassionate face and Hux wants to kill him, his hand twitching in his lap. “Everything is gone, you are the only one left and that’s why you are here”.

The shameful tone of voice is the thing that alerts Hux. A similarity between all those new features of the man in front of him.

 “What have you done, Solo?”, the man looks uncomfortable and that gives Hux some little happy victory because he knows is his fault.

“I saved you, that’s what I did”.

The memories of what happened before he woke up in that cold and claustrophobic shuttle, come to him, one against the other and Hux lets out a little sound of desperate surprise. He looks around him. The cold durasteel and nothing more than a bed with messy sheets and Hux’s body heat escaping from between its wrinkles. There are no personal objects because Hux had nothing in his cell, any weapons or holopads. Everything looks impersonal and austere and Hux knows that not even his rooms in the Finalizer looked like that.

He laughs. The gesture verges on the hysterical but is a laugh nevertheless. A laugh that echoes in the corners of the shuttle and something very similar to fury –something that doesn’t have to be there at all-, makes his appearance in Ben Solo’s eyes.

“Save me?”, Hux tries to concentrate all his fury and venom in those words, watching carefully the face of the man in front of him. “The only thing you have done is hold over something that could be done this morning”.

Ben –there’s too much fury in those eyes, too much _Kylo Ren_ in those glances and Hux gloats- gives a long and furious sigh. His fists tremble and just when Hux thinks he has won, the man breathes deep and gives Hux a last glance before walk out the room, leaving Hux with turmoil in his heart.

He doesn’t understand anything and knows that Solo still keeps some vital information that Hux needs, to have some order in all that mess that he built since the first time Kylo Ren put a foot on the Finalizer. Hux wants to follow but the panic bubbles in his mind and he has to sit for a while and think about the next move he has to do. He must calm down, meditate and plot some plans that can give some safe ground for him to walk safely. Solo is a stranger, a man that came to the Resistance with the pieces of what was Kylo Ren in the shape of a broken lightsaber. A man who found a course and a sense for himself, while Hux tried desperately to rebuild something that didn’t have to exist in the first place.

Is the first time he talks with Solo after his arrest and consequent imprisonment. That news of a mysterious man accompanying Skywalker and his little apprentice, surrounded Hux months before, but there was some insensate folly in his denial. His brain knew the truth but Hux wanted to hope. After, in his cell, he heard the name and the rage, the betrayal and the disappointment made him lose the last fantasy. That name made him open his eyes to that new world too big for him to exist and gave him the confirmation that brought him a defeat even more suffocating than the one he felt with his precious First Order.

The last one a blow to his pride, a defeat to a whole life dedicated to rooted ideals. But the desertion of Kylo Ren and his return to the so called “Light Side”, was more intimate, something cold in his veins and that put an end to his spectacular falling from the power. Truth was, Kylo inlaid himself in some part of Hux that he didn’t even know that existed. Something deep and closer to the soft edges of his heart that Hux couldn’t eradicate, no matter the time and the trainings. The truth, pure and simple and painful was that Hux fell in love with someone without identity and that was the true beginning of the end.

The domino effect.

 

4.

If someone would ask to Hux what thing he could change of his past, he would say, with any doubt, the first moment he saw the face of Kylo Ren.

The issue isn’t for banal reasons like the pleasure of finding the young face, too esthetic for his standards. The issue dwelled in: the monsters can’t have a face. A monster is just a feeling, concept, a fear you pretend shaken but you know it’s there, waiting for your neglect to attack you again. A monster is cruel and kill with any doubt, a shadow, dark and heavy. A monster is fear and Hux guess for too much time that Ren envied it. His facility to inspire fear even when the crew has been witness of all his volatiles and dangerous spams.

The Master of the Knights of Ren, with his cold and impersonal mask. The shadow of the Finalizer and the favorite antagonist of Hux. A rumor based in rumors, the First Order monster who barely walked between whispers.

Hux wanted to incite the same fear. He wanted that when someone looked at him, the only thing they could glimpse was a nightmare creature with shape of man, instead of his youth and his big eyes. Not the son of Hux Sr. but the one who had brought the honor and glory to the institution that maintains him focused and alive.

Hux envied the symbol that Kylo Ren was but then, the man also took it away from him, starting from the ideas that led Hux at nights. 

And, in another irony that was accumulated like trash in his life, everything passed accidentally.

Hux enjoyed calming his nerves by walking through all the empty hallways of the Finalizer. Knowing  where the troopers were at all times, who gave the nocturne watch, would be, he avoided them; the echo of his boots like a weak sound among the loneliness and the cold and the weak camera lights further away from the bridge. There was something heartwarming in the weak sound that his ship did, a soft vibration in the body that indicates they are still alive in the immensity of the Galaxy.

That they still were strong, powerful, invincible.

Hux walks with the same military attitude but with a less severe face. Among the walls of the ship and with no one to hold off, he was invisible, noiseless. Pleased with his achievements but always looking for more. The ideas, a disorder in his head that he reviewed and catalogued with carefulness and dedication.

Sometimes he was carried away by some memory that intermingled with a new plan for the Starkiller of some update of the weapons he created. And it was when the General looked down for a few seconds, distracted and looking for the closer unoccupied camera to shut himself up there a few minutes, trying to recover the process and breath again without fear to stay locked in the trunk of useless memories.

There, in that dark room, he found his ruin.

When he realized of the broken whispers, it was already undoubtedly, too late. His own pride and stoicism let him to go ahead when all his senses indicate him to turn around and keep walking toward his rooms, where he could search the identity of the unknown with pleasure. He turned around to the sound of the voice whispering prayers that Hux won’t understand until later.

A man gave him a surprising look. There were big eyes, brown and full of emotions that Hux had not even stopped to appoint. It was a man he didn’t know, and in the precious second of confusion, Hux was a dam of panic, thinking of what he’s found in a possible Resistance soldier.

Then, everything had sense.

Kylo Ren stood, impossibly tall, leaving Hux without breath and with his body paralyzed. It was a trick and the Knight entertained himself, trying to manipulate Hux in a panic feeling to lessen the surprise and confusion. He said that to himself later, when he found himself under the sheets, unable to sleep and with his heart pounding his chest. The truth was, in that moment Hux experienced a victory he never knew he could reach and get less without having to fight for it. And with the victory come the consequences of a war that didn’t realize but fought. A defeat against their expectations and thoughts, fantasies and assurances that had been created on Kylo Ren.

He was not a monster. After all, under the helmet, under the austere clothing under the coat and under all those things that made him frightening, Master of the Knights of Ren was, undoubtedly, a human being

Bones, flesh and heart. Weak and susceptible. Someone could die and mourn and laugh. He slept and ate, lived a parallel with Hux who was unable to process at the time, when the eyes-so big, so honest-glares him hate and shame. There were also other details that Hux cataloged at the time, attracted like a mosquito to the flame: the immense nose, bushy eyebrows, those moles that looked like stars scattered over an almost asymmetrical face and soft and thick lips that one would not expect from a murderer.

“Are you lost, General Hux?”, the rank is said with poison and courage. Hux wants to ignore the vertigo that experiment meanwhile Kylo Ren looks at him from above, ready to kill him at any moment.

Even so, Hux wouldn’t be Hux if the let intimidate by Ren. He composes a crooked smile and restores the look of hatred.

“No, but I think you lost something, Ren”, he goes forward to impose himself and continues with a mockingly smile that doesn’t betray the slight trembling of his hands. “Do you mourn and hide in your spare time?”

There is a sound of suppressed anger Ren let out and fear that Hux felt becomes something more primal: survival instinct. It is the only thing that saves him from what would have been a serious injury when Kylo Ren activates his lightsaber and attacks against Hux. The face is distorted by shame and humiliation, like a cornered animal and Hux supposed to control and might be feeling victory but feels nothing but the urge to run.

He thinks he’s gonna die but the Phasma’s voice saves him when it passed by his communicator: "General, the Supreme Leader requires his presence and Ren’s".

If Hux were another kind of man, he would appreciate his luck and experience a poignant relief that comes from surviving a near-death experience. But truth is that he did not go as far as being that kind of man. Instead of it he adjusts his uniform and stands, staring into the face of Kylo, partially illuminated by red light saber. Something does not fit but Hux not understand at the time. There is something out of place in Ren, something that does not belong to the Finalizer, hidden in the eyes of this wounded beast.

Hux feels the first chink in his armor form and is right there when panic chooses to appear. He clears his throat and turned, burying his nails into his palms, gathering all his dignity to speak without a trace of anxiety that builds up in your throat

“Come on, Ren, Supreme Leader isn’t patient”.

Then comes the sound of saber deactivated. Trembles his breathing and legs, hands and mind. Listen behind him the footsteps of Ren but refuses to turn. He doesn’t want to give meaning to something that doesn’t have it, a small event of no value among all who pass in the Finalizer daily. That is what is repeated throughout the week, when his small accidental discovery makes itself known in his thoughts and dreams.

Hux would like to forget specially his eyes. Too big, warm… sincere.

 

5.

He left the small room when he’s sure that his legs can support its weight without trembling. He doesn’t know how long ago but it seems more and more diluted in a disinterested afterthought. Hux has experienced a rare moment of clairvoyance and knows it is better not to tempt whatever fate he wants to.

Before he did not believe in those things of fate or force or any other notion that was not logic and will of a living being. But that was long ago and Hux is no longer sure that remains the same as walking through the halls of the Finalizer, the straight back and look cool and safe on the road before him.

Now, Hux walks bowed, trying to focus on the new environment that presents itself when it is proposed to find the control room, where Solo probably is monitoring the route or hiding from Hux. Meditating, perhaps, or reconsidering his suicide plan.  Hux left himself the unsecure steps because no one is looking at him, the stars a blur in space.

There was a time when Hux thought he would rule.

Everything has an incoherent silence with Hux memories associated with Solo. Kylo. When he approaching the control room, he feels the presence of man and is there when recomposed his position and look straight ahead, thinking of an odd-numbered. Solo looks up to Hux and holds it because he must. Wondering what looks only at that time. Weakness, fear or confusion? Hux snorts and walks to the copilot's seat, which is empty, reminding him that the only ones in that strange ship, they are.

“Have you thought better on this course plan?”, Solo shrugs and that is answer enough.

Hux stares at him.

The resemblance of his clothes with his father –dust after the explosion between the stars- is disturbing and Hux wondered what had become of them if Ben Solo was born immune to the force. They are dangerous thoughts but Hux avoids, accustomed to ignore images that become dangerously close to desires –definitely he doesn’t imagine possible encounters and words spoken, an easy smile and brown eyes without pain impregnated brown is not imagine-. That is the remarkable change, because Ben has the same face of Kylo and vice versa. The scars, beauty marks peppering his face, the same kilometric nose, stupid black hair and black lashes resting on the pale skin.

“There is a planet, there everything will be easier”, his tone of voice projects security but Hux can’t feel in words that may well be spoken by a child.

Nothing is easy, he wants to say, but he close his mouth and stifle the words. He’s tired, he needs to sleep but knows he cannot do so until everything has a meaning and an order which lacks insultingly. He thinks about where lies the mysterious planet but knows to ask would be useless, Solo’s staring at the panel and seems to be elsewhere which Hux not have access.

“I assume that there is food in this up to you”, is the most absurd thing I could say but Hux could not care less. Hungry and if Solo brought him there, it would be fair to offer him at least something to sustain the little life he has left. Nothing would a rescue mission and escape if the object to save dies halfway through the plan. And for lack of food.

Solo doesn’t say anything; he stands up with ungainly steps. Hux sinks into the seat, facing forward and refusing to disappointment. After some minutes, he breaths and stares the control panel. The ferry looks like being built to pass as commercial but Hux get to see several commands that activate guns and wondering about its constructor. He passes his fingers through buttons, levers and switches. During his time in the Academy, Hux was the best pilot of simulation but that never was a surprise because he always was the best in everything.

During his time as lieutenant and after consistent way to their last title, Hux demonstrated his skills many times over which he has registered. At that time he notes the panel with a hint of melancholy. In his cell, as he reviewed the history of his life, he had made up my mind not to fly again. Hux wants to laugh at the futility of his life but instead everything tastes bitter.

Solo clears his throat and Hux flinches involuntarily. He turns a bit and sees a tray of food in the hands of man. Hux look exchanged between Solo and food. It is painful to admit but it's more than what he saw in an entire week in his cell. It is mouthwatering but stoic to the end and I left when Solo is on track to put the tray on Hux legs.

He doesn’t give his thanks but he takes a piece of meat and eats it slowly, feeling his juice in his tongue. A long time ago that simply eating did not bring a pleasure like that. Since he was a child in Arkanis and the portions were not enough but somehow they did survive when some had the chance.

Hux didn’t become a member of the First Order neither his father nor his mother or his teaching turned. He did it willingly. Because he still had nightmares about dying of hunger and because the New Republic never beat an eye out for children who died in those years, children of former generals or lieutenants or captains imperial seemed to have inherited the sins of their parents.

In that moment, with the taste of the food filling his mouth, he feels again the impotence and a thirsty of surviving. He feels something in his body and Solo just turns around, looking at him with that impotent and disarmingly sincerity, just stretching shakily a hand to touch his cheek and Hux realizes he's crying.

Something breaks. Hux is standing, fists against his face and mind blank while trying to stop the tears and sobs of pain that pierced his chest. How does he get there? He feels the same rancor and hatred, the same sadness and disappointment, that strange mixture of frustration and pride he felt from the moment he knew that food and water had to be fought with different weapons force.

Since his father died Hux felt an improper joy. Or when his mother gave him one last confidential smile and her hand turned cold between Hux’s. Since Kylo Ren came to his ship, like a nightmare, an apparition that took place in the thoughts of Hux. Since Kylo turned his back and betray that intimate way that no one and nothing was done.

He feels Solo strong arms surrounding him behind and Hux feels repulsion and an enormous hole in his chest. His gesture is broken and the scream is left stuck in the throat. Fight and departs from Ben only with all the strength you can muster, turning to face more a battle.

“Don’t touch me ever again!” he says with poison and a broken heart. Ben Solo just stay static with his arms open and those damn eyes penetrating his soul.

“H-Hux, please… “his voice broke and Hux hates it.

“Damn Bastard!” with all his forces, he throws against Ben Solo and beat him. Both of them stumble and fall on the cold floor. Hux knows he’s still crying but he also knows that he won’t be tired until Solo be as hurt as Hux is inside.  “How you dare to ask me something!? , Do you think you have the right after you betrayed me?! , Do you think you can come back and I will be so stupid as everyone to welcome you with open arms?!”, Solo doesn’t defended and that enrages more Hux, who continues hitting him with all his strength, he has blood on his knuckles and the tears would not stop falling.  “You led me to believe in you, believe in  something you aren’t! , I’m the only one who knows your soul and also the only one who loved you despite all! , I would rather die a thousand times with the fucking Resistance than still with you, supporting how you snatch everything to me just to leave me again!”

His arms are shaking and it's there when Solo just take him from his shoulders.

“It’s not as you’re thinking, I haven’t betrayed you, I haven’t lied about anything”, Hux struggling again but this time Solo’s grip is strong. “What I was before, with you, still being what I am now, nothing has changed and it won’t. If I saved you it was because I’m not me without you by my side”.

Hux lets out an ungraceful laugh. He leans slowly and rests his forehead on the shoulder of Solo. Their breathing is erratic and Hux feel tired all over her body. Solo hands roost in Hux waist, warm and large, possessive but giving security that should have no place in that small ferry.

“I hate you”, Hux whispers against Solo neck, feeling his pulse against his lips.

The man laughs, down and some broken. The last thing Hux heard before fall asleep is an “I know” said against his temple.

Hux thinks that no one knows anything.

 

6.

After seeing Ren’s face, everything changes and at the same time nothing does. Hux can’t give himself the luxury of demonstrate how something so simple put his world upside down. But he also can’t act as he always did in the presence of the other.

He tries not to make obvious that he is ignoring Ren, but the man makes it easy, wandering around the corridors when Hux is on the bridge or locked up in his quarters when Hux walks around the ship. They are two forces in opposite ends and Hux knows that they are destined to find the other again because that is what physics formulate.

It results that physics formulates they have to reencounter in a battle field. The First Order conquering an important planet for strategic moves. Hux goes down personally to make the pertinent negotiations and he has a self-confidence that doesn’t lessen when Kylo Ren situates himself beside Hux like a silent –and creepy- shadow. Phasma stays behind, ready for any sign that something goes wrong and they have to use their weapons and army.

The planet has vibrant colors and Hux and his army are an unwelcomed monochromatic contrast. There’s a committee led by the king and his little personal army. They are waiting with tense faces and Hux supposes that everything will end better than he expected. They exchanges cordial greeting and fake smiles, when Hux introduces Ren, the air acquire a dangerous tone that follows them all the way to the imposing castle in the middle of the largest city.

After accessing the conference room, Hux finds himself surprised at discovering that Kylo Ren stays at his back, like a somber and weird bodyguard that Hux never asked but is relieved to have watching over him. There aren’t words between them and Hux doesn’t waste any time to put his time in action and soon he starts to convince the king about why they have to pledge alliance to the First Order.

The king looks convinced. He isn’t someone particularly stoic but he ended to agree to their cause the second he knew the Finalizer were in their orbit. He knows it could be foolish to fight against them and he doesn’t want to bring suffering to his people, especially if he can avoid it. After all, the First Order just wants supplies and loyalty. One more ally against the New Republic and eventually, the Resistance.

In the middle of the negotiation, Hux feels a chill making his way up at his back, bristling the fine hairs on his nape. Before he can think about it, Kylo takes a step forward, his hand extended at someone behind the king, a young guard who in that moment could be screaming if not for the sheer power Ren wields over him.

Hux had seen many times before the way Ren searched their enemies that he brought aboard, and also he saw a couple of times how the Knight would instigate terror in the prisoners minds. The interrogation room would resonate with the screaming, howls of pain and eventually, babblings that Hux would try to understand and write down in the reports about their new discovering.

In the whole process, Hux was ashamed to admit that the so called _Force_ intrigued him at certain level. There was something elegant in the way that Kylo Ren stood far from his prey, provoking intense fear and pain. His own cold demon that looked almost bored at the event, as if the undoing of a being no longer interested him.

In the conference room, Hux sees some of that elegance but for the first time he feels the electricity around him, the scent of a thunderstorm and the feeling of survival ruling his body. The realization of his own fragility and he remembers the encounter he had with that force, some time ago when he looked at those brown eyes for the first time.

He doesn’t have a lot of time to think over that. The room becomes a chaos when the soldier’s body falls, limp and lifeless. Someone shoots a blaster and Hux grabs his owns seconds after that. The king looks terrified and confused as Hux begins to eliminate one by one the soldiers. Kylo Ren activates his lightsaber and soon the chairs and walls are splashed by drops of blood.

Hux registers the movement in slow motion. One arm rising, the shot aiming to Ren, who is powerful but not omnipresent. Before the woman pulls the trigger, Hux shots his, precise and like a gleam, at the chest of the soldier. Kylo turns and Hux knows he’s being watched behind that bothersome mask. Something, strange and illuminating pass between them but no one can afford to sit and think about it.

The slaughter ends as it began, with Ren shocking one of the soldiers. Hux straightens and aims the blaster to the king’s forehead that starts to trip up the words. Between sobs he can say that he didn’t knew about the betrayal plotted under his nose and that if he learned about it he would execute the traitors. Hux knows he’s telling the truth and understands that everything that happened could be used at his convenience.

They just demonstrated power and that will leave a better impression upon the ruler fragile mind. What Hux wanted to demonstrate with words but he just did with acts. The mechanical breathing of Kylo Ren echoes in the room, immersed in a deathly silence. Hux feels blood dripping from his cheek and he has an improper moment or utterly happiness.

He forgot how it was to be the executioner, wielding power upon something so substantial as the life of another being. He wants to laugh but he is down there to negotiate and that is what he will do.

At the end everything goes right and Hux pretends to ignore the constant presence of Ren behind him. They walk in silence and reunite with Phasma and the army. Then Hux gives the order and soon they left the planet’ surface. Just the tickling sensation in his fingers and dry blood over his uniform and face, as memories of what happened there. A new victory.

The thing is that they didn’t have a beginning or an end. They didn’t have illation or coherence nor rhyme or sense.

Hux can remember with frightening precision the first moment he saw the Knight’s face. He can remember the day and the planets they left behind. He can remember the absent sound of life and how much light illuminated the corridors of the Finalizer. However, after that, his mind became a black hole. He couldn’t tell even if he wanted, everything that happened after his encounter with Ren. The orders he enforced, the construction plans he looked at, the new experiences that escaped his conscience and that he never wanted to recall until years later, when he tried to found the breaking point. The exact moment when the bifurcation between his actions and his desires became so evident.

It wasn’t until Kylo Ren shook his world again, that Hux found back his reason to really exist. It wasn’t until that moment that he understood again the universe and his surroundings. It was there when the General Hux came back and started to be himself again even if nobody realized that he wasn’t there in the first place. That he was a ghost, an impression of the past.

Kylo Ren became his axis of rotation and translation.

And Hux knows it was his fault. He never had to go to that room just like he never had to see that face and he never had to admit him in the Finalizer. In reality, he never had to become General nor to be in the First Order or be in the militia or even leave Arkanis. But the truth is completely different and Hux opened a door to a cage.

The room is silent save for the sparkling sound of Ren’s lightsaber. The characteristic burnt scent is easy to recognize and gives Hux an idea of who is in the room and also, what he is doing there. Hux hadn’t a chance to be alone with Ren, not since that little altercation in that blue planet, with a young sun and rivers bigger than the earth.

Both Ren and Hux hid enough, trying to disregard the synchrony with which they moved, the flow of the thing that Hux will never acknowledge as the “Force”, interlacing between them and making them feel an intimacy that Hux didn’t experienced in years –maybe his whole life-.

That’s why, Hux thinks, he encounters Ren in that engine room. He was trying to get tired and he stepped inside without thinking. The man turns and Hux discovers that he hasn’t any mask. Hux doesn’t want to go over those features he learned by remembering again and again during those days. So he glances at the remains of what was a perfect and functional computer.

Kylo gets close with weapon in hand and Hux doesn’t blink, feeling the electrifying fear roam his spine. Is a different fear and in some way, more tiring. A fear that only intensifies when Kylo deactivates the weapon and touches Hux’s cheek, slow and deliberate, the worn leather of his gloves rough against skin.

Hux wants to ask, to claim again what he lose when he looked at Ren’s eyes. He wants to understand many things that whisper to him before sleep overcomes him, when the border of conscience is more and more diffuse and he lets himself whisper a name that is taboo for others. Hux remembers his mother, the pale fingers against the red of his hair, telling him that words are power and he would like to ask her what kind of power he will attract.

But before he can particularize a single idea, Kylo invades his personal space. Hux feels cold and the –shaking- fingers of Kylo travel down his jaw towards his throat. His fingertips staying there, touching Hux’s pulse and nothing in that little moment has any sense but the words that Kylo says against Hux’s cheek.

“You are a mystery”, he says with something akin to adoration and Hux asks himself everything again, but louder and clearer.

Kylo never answers with words. He kisses Hux with hungry and years of yearning. With a fervor that could be called pure if they were someone else. Because Kylo Ren isn’t pure and Hux melts against those lips that claim and conquer him. It’s something barbaric, something that returns to Hux something long lost, and he kisses with questions between his lips, confusion and the horrible conclusion of something he could deny for years.

Kylo’s hand finds his, his tongue touching lightly Hux’s bottom lip and he wants to tell him, to promise him, to give him. But that’s a lie because he doesn’t know, not even a little, what he can tell or promise or give. He knows the right path again but is somehow more lost than before.

Kylo breaks the kiss and Hux surrenders. He asks himself why his lips don’t taste like disappointment and after a few seconds, he finds the answer.

 

7.

“What have you done?”

Ben looks up and Hux turns, focusing on the stars, panicking for his place in the universe.

“What?” Ben asks and Hux lay his head against the durasteel.

“What have you done since you left?” He talks about the betrayal and knows that Ben understand when the man leaves him to seek his gaze and focuses on the board.

“Training, focus myself again, fix what I could and suffer for what I couldn’t”, as always he talks with puzzles and Hux huffs a little bit angry.

He thinks maybe that was the problem: questions unanswered. Which were hung in the air after Ren left the Hux rooms, the questions were stuck between his lips after a vicious kiss or that caressed his mind when Ren left, going down to a planet and Hux stayed orbiting with the Finalizer as his command.

For that reason, and because he feels that eventually all will kill him, he let out something that was around his head from the first day, when he awoke and  from Kylo Ren there was no trace.

“Was it my fault? “ He hates the tone used for whispering the question, helpless, like a little kid. He supposes that his father would be disappointed but Hux suspects that whatever he does, the man always would be.

When Hux looks up, barely seconds after asking and finds Ben Solo crying with his head between his knees. Hux want to hit him again, the act of martyr much more repulsive than the farcical lover he argued for years with Hux.

“I’m so sorry, Hux “, and then, because he pretends to vex him, Solo moans with a trail of pain that penetrates Hux violently.

“For what exactly? “ Hux is incorporated, crossing the small distance between them and kneeling in front of Solo, taking her cheeks and forcing him to look at him. “Do you feel sorry for have played with me? , For killing Snoke? , For betraying what we had worked on together?, Do you feel sorry for taking that second chance as I rot  in a prison?, Do you regret being unable to return in time to avoid killing your father? , Do you regret that kiss?”

Hux never received answers, neither the first time he met Ren Kylo, nor the first that looked those brown eyes and discovered that Ben was still living in that assumption monster legend. And also, if it's just him and his situation, there were questions that never vocalized, for fear and insecurity and in the end, because I knew the answer.

Just look at him and tears rolling down his cheeks, Hux reminds himself, crying quietly when he realized that Kylo Ren never return to his side. Then he talks with a broken voice and his throat ablaze.

“Why did you take him from me?”

Ben moans in pain, slipping from his seat to stand by Hux, taking his hands, hugging and hiding his face in his neck and shoulder.

“Hux… I…”

“No, tell me why you killed him…” Hux knows he’s crying again, of rage and sadness and resignation. “You killed the only being I’ve ever loved, you killed him in front of me and I didn’t stop you…” and then he whispers against Solo hair the only question that really matters. “Why I didn’t stop you?”

When Elinor Hux was about to die, she looked at Hux's father and whispered that she loved him. He never knew that she, someone so beautiful and ethereal, could love someone as despicable as his father. In those last moments and barely glimpsed what was translated into years of history, hidden gestures and a piece of humanity that has always existed in Brendol Hux and eventually Elinor was the only one able to understand and love.

But Hux is not like his mother. Hux is vicious, blood and death, he’s the Star Killer and the tamer death. Hux hates and kill and apparently, cries hugging another man in a small shuttle in the middle of nowhere. Hux is contradiction and more than nothing, Brendol Hux is pure and beautifully human.

“Bren, forgive me, please… I love you, again and again in a life or another, I’ve always loved you and I will always do”. Solo’s lips are warm against his neck and Hux closes his eyes, suddenly tired even though he has not done anything since I woke up in the shuttle and rot in a cell. “I’m nothing without you, don’t you understand? I live and breathe for you. Forgive me for not being Ren but I’m not Ben Solo either.” He breathes deeply and Hux wants to curse and cry and fight against the desperation rising in his chest.  “Just… please, don’t leave me”.

Hux wants to say that he never left, Kylo Ren was who decided that was not enough, that night-and the days and hours-they spent together they were not worth the pain in the chest. It was Kylo who decided on both Ren and Hux knows he could never forgive that. It reminds him of those days when the Finalizer felt colder and resistance gained more ground on a First Order tottering on the shoulders of Hux, anxious and salt tears still on his lips every time. He recalls hating himself because all the memories were aching and he had allowed to fall under the power of an unstable and tragic human nature.

“We never should be together”, that’s all Hux can whispers, the truth that both ignored and Ren insists on doing.

How he can be free of Ren’s grip - Solo? - And he joined not looking at anything specific. Gradually the warmth in your body dissipates and Hux walks to his room. You may be there as long as necessary, until they reach a planet and he can run away, or until the executioners of Hux the reach and decide which is better there than risk killing him return to get him to a cell.

Sitting in his room, his head against durasteel, Hux wonders what will be said of him at the time. He think if Leia Organa knows that was his son who liberated the genocide. If the entire galaxy demand his immediate death or if he has already lost its novelty and escape remains a secret that is whispered behind closed doors. Hux is not used to being whispered, it was propaganda and speeches that reached the corners of the galaxy. Kylo Ren was the myth, and Hux smiles, his lips grimaced as buries nails into his palms.

While Hux hates and Kylo suffers, the shuttle passes to light speed stardust and even small asteroids that cross their way. The target planet is a few cycles away and neither learns that destiny is reaching them.

At last.

 

8.

“We shouldn’t be together”, Hux whispers one night against the hand of Kylo Ren, hot and delicious upon his lips.

 “You can go”, Kylo answers while tears Hux’s clothes apart and caress with his fingertips the bare skin.

Is disarmingly and Hux’s legs fail. He inclines his head and exposes his neck because Ren wants to kiss him and Hux can’t think in anything else than the man lips in his skin. Again. Is not the first and Hux suspects it won’t be the last. Hux thinks he will have countless nights –and days and hours- whispering ‘we shouldn’t be together’ against Ren’s lips. His hands, his neck, his lips. A warning that sounds like challenge and request. The bet against the destiny and Ren plays dirty, licking his nape and biting softly, shy and trembling and then –quickly- vicious and painful, a pleasure that assaults Hux by surprise. As if they hadn’t do that before, enough times to tell how many freckles and beauty marks the other has scattered on their bodies.

Is not the first time but Kylo has been absent for a month and Hux feels like his body drowns with want for the touch of the other man. He doesn’t want to admit that he missed Kylo, doesn’t want to admit that he looked at Kylo’s location in his holopad and he doesn’t want to admit how much he starved for a simple kiss that felt like a bite when Kylo entered his quarters and took him by the waist. The holopad slipped from between his fingers and Hux whispers and asks and begs.

Kylo kisses his jugular, licking his collarbone and he bites softly his throat and Hux undoes, he gets lost and at the same time he finds himself and entwines his fingers in the wet brown locks of Kylo’s hair. He feels a necessity and a thirst that he didn’t know he could feel until that moment, when he whimpers against Ren’s cheek and tilts his face so he can kiss the Knight’s neck. They are naked and Hux goes over Kylo’s muscles with his fingers and his wet lips, feeling the move with each kiss and bite.

There are two new scars, not deep but Kylo groans in pleasure when Hux licks them and then sucks, his lips conquering land transformed in the war. Hux wants to ask but Kylo strokes his thighs and his mind and any coherent thought flies away and hides in some corner of the Finalizer.

It’s gentle, Kylo kissing the freckles in his thighs and legs, in the soft skin of his arms and shoulders, the ones in his back and above the dimples of his hips, there he stops, his breath warm and his tongue burning against Hux’ skin. He sucks bruises and Hux gasps, with his fists above the sheets and words of encouragement between his lips, red for all the bites and kisses and desires.

Kylo smiles against his reddish skin and slaps Hux’s ass cheeks, then he bites the left one because he wants to hear the scream full of pleasure and surprise that slips past Hux beautiful lips and echoes in the room. There’s something in Kylo’s grin, in the glow in his brown, big eyes when he breaks away a little and Hux turns around to kiss and touch him. He tangles his arms around Kylo’s wide shoulders and his hands roam down, scratching his ass and his back and his arms. Kylo lays his back against the wall and Hux sits in his lap, moaning when Kylo’s big and hot cock slips between Hux’s ass.

They look at each other eyes and Hux begins to wave his body, almost lazy, rhythmical and sensual. Kylo grabs him by the thighs and caress Hux’s legs, strong fingers making him shiver and Hux moans, breathless for all the adoration Kylo can express with a single touch.

“Ahh”, he moans when Kylo touches the tip of his leaking cock and Hux trembles, stretching to grab the lube that is almost empty and that has to be alarming but somehow it isn’t. “Fuck me now, K-Kylo…”

And Kylo groans and takes him by the waist, shaking him with violence and without any effort and Hux thinks that’s the hottest thing in the whole galaxy. It’s wonderful, the raw power that Kylo wields in a simple gesture and it leaves Hux with the pleas stuck in his throat. He grabs Kylo by the wrists, one big hand taking both –they are wonderful, the differences- and with the other he begins to prepare Hux, fingers thick and wet with lube. The first one is painful –one month, he reminds himself- but welcome, he feels the pressure and the muscles aching and Hux opens his legs, shameless and beautiful. The second one becomes insufficient soon enough and when Kylo add the third one, Hux fucks himself against those fingers, almost too hard and Kylo is panting above him, with that intense brown eyes piercing his mind.

 “K-Kylo”, Hux pants and in a desperate movement he locks his legs around Kylo’s waist and moves, elastic and perfect, Kylo’s hot and thick cock rubbing the sensitive skin behind his balls. Kylo takes him then by the narrow hips, releasing his wrists that will be decorated with purple and red the next day. Kylo kisses him a last time above his jaw and then he begins to fuck him slowly and perfectly painful, pleasure and lust traveling all the way down his body and Hux opens his mouth in a silent moan that tastes like heaven.

They don’t talk much, strange phrases that don’t mean anything but for Hux, in those beautiful moments, mean the whole universe. Kylo kisses Hux’s mind and body, his big warm hands touching Hux’s trembling and fragile existence. He withdraws at the exact moment and sinks again harder than before, with Hux meeting him halfway. Is rough but there isn’t blood in their lips or necks, little drops decorating their skin like other times. In that moment is just passion and craving after all those days without the other presence.

“Hux… Hux”, Kylo recites with his low and sinful voice and Hux kisses him, messy and burning with pleasure when Kylo hits his prostate deliciously. When he pushes inside, deep and perfect, Hux lets out a scream that Kylo shuts with his lips.

They are close and Kylo takes Hux’s cock in a fair and consistent grip along with the powerful and erratic thrusts. Is too much, the end of the absence and the beginning of the reencounter. Is moans and choking words, necessity and desire and Hux groans Kylo’s name like a prayer as his orgasm takes him by surprise and he feels his body and heart and mind contracts in a wonderful explosion and Kylo, is there inside his mind and body, with that feeling that Hux doesn’t want to name as “love” because he doesn’t deserve to be loved.

Kylo then kisses him and puts his open mouth upon Hux’s neck, just above the shoulder, finding his own climax that came when Hux caressed his arms and his messy, humid hair. Kylo moans and Hux observes with lazy eyes the view outside the viewport, feeling under his hands Kylo’s warm body and asking himself –not for the first time and again not for the last- why they can’t be together.

Kylo slips out and gets up but Hux takes him by the wrist in an almost unintentional movement. They observe each other and saying no words, Kylo lies again, this time taking Hux in his arms and rubbing Hux’s neck with the tip of his nose. Is almost peaceful, impossible, delusive and Hux takes Kylo’s hands between his. The claim of hatred and mindless sex staying far behind them.

“I love you”, Kylo whispers and Hux stops breathing for a few seconds. There’s something there, a new edge in his voice under those strange words.

Hux turns slowly, finding Kylo’s gaze and an idea begins to take form in his mind. The starlight caress Kylo’s skin, full of scars and beauty marks, full of stories and also full of Hux. Hux, who shuts up and tries to choke down the new acknowledge under those layers of pretentious ignorance but he supposes that in the bottom of his heart, the bitterness makes itself present and begins the countdown.

They fall asleep embraced and Hux lays his cheek on Kylo’s chest, hearing his breathing and trying to hold on that broken sentiment that tightens his senses.

That night, Brendol Hux sleeps with Ben Solo between his arms.

 

9.

 “We shouldn’t be together”, Hux whispers against Ren’s ear while they trip with the motel’s cheap bed, the only thing they could pay in that weird planet with psychedelics tress.

They arrived at the afternoon, when the lights in that spaceport became phosphorescent and the colors took an anxious tone. The trees are big and with strange shapes and Ben Solo walks with Hux following him close, tired and wanting to lie down and sleep to dream with better times –past times-. The shuttle is in some kind of workshop and Hux supposes they can stay there for a week. Enough time to decipher Solo’s plan so he can outline an escape route.

It’s a desperate move but Hux already admitted he’s a little bit anxious after spending time in the Resistance’s cells.

The place is full of people and Hux is afraid for the first time, knowing that somebody will recognize them. If anyone sees them, Solo’s noble, liberal plans will go down in an instant. That’s why he walks close to the man and with his head down trying to make himself small and glaring at the dirty ground.

He doesn’t pay attention to the room negotiation but gets inside quickly, feeling safer in that tiny place. Solo makes himself useful by examine the place and both of them put space between because the silent is unbearable. Hux knows he is still angry so he goes to the refresher trying the taps and coming to the dreadful conclusion that there isn’t hot water. Nevertheless he like the idea of a proper shower and he takes his time, looking how the dirt goes down his body and dilutes in the soapy water. He checks his body and in the end he looks himself at the mirror, taking note of the circles under his eyes and his dim gaze. He could classify all the differences between the Hux of the past and the one that stands in front the mirror. Before and after the war. Before and after Kylo Ren or Ben Solo.

He goes out the refresher to find an empty room and he lets out a shaky sigh that he didn’t know was stuck in his chest. Over the bed there are a few modest clothes, functional and simple; Hux bites his bottom lip, ignoring the gratitude he feels blooming. He dresses quickly and he is fighting with the new boots when Solo enters with a few bags in his hands.

They look at each other and Hux avoids those eyes before everything transforms itself again.

“I brought food”, Solo comments and Hux wants to laugh. “I don’t think you’ll like it, but it’s the only real thing I found”.

After that he disappears in the refresher and Hux is left with the liberty of examine the mysterious food that, and to Hux surprise is not totally hideous. When Solo emerges from the refresher –with clean clothes and the wet hair pull up in a messy bun-, Hux chews the last bite and gets up, trying to disappear again in the next tiny room. Just as Hux thinks Solo will leave him be, the man grabs him by the wrist, his fingers barely pressing against his tender skin but Hux freezes.

“Hux, wait please”, and before Solo continues, Hux walks forward and kisses him, in part for curiosity and also because he wants to find everything he lost.

Hux closes his eyes and galaxies explode under his eyelids, electricity traveling down his spine and Kylo’s hands grabbing him by the waist. And Hux sobs, with his heart and soul because Kylo said the truth, he is there, waiting for Hux and is the most heartbreaking moment in Hux’s life. There is the fervor and the sensation of playing with the most exquisite fire but there’s also the care and that brilliant soul, too bright to belong to the darkness and eventually too dark to belong to the light. Hux loves him and Kylo kisses him with passion and longing and with everything he can offer.

Then Hux whispers but it's already a lost battle –one more that tastes like victory- and his back collides against the soft bed, Kylo above him, kissing his eyelids and the nose, the freckles of his cheeks and finally his lips. Hux wants to laugh and cry and wants to hit Kylo for those lonely nights and for that betrayal that maybe will never stop hurting. But in that moment, Hux kisses him and kisses him and kisses him, until they are breathless, until there isn’t a kiss but countless bites and moans and a warm wet tongue tracing the shell of his ear.

They both are, undressing the other slowly, learning how much they have changed and Hux kisses that long scar that decorates Kylo’s face while the man touches his ribs, prominent by lack of food and reasons to live. They discover the other and under that pink artificial light they found each other, again and again and again.

It’s Hux lying on his stomach, moaning because Kylo penetrates him easily after minutes that felt like hours of him preparing Hux just like that first time. They moan and groan and Hux opens his mind slowly, giving himself to Kylo and the man makes love with his thoughts. It’s Hux, coming with tears round his cheeks while Kylo licks them and comes inside Hux.

It’s also Hux, in Kylo’s lap, moving in circles and taking more and more of Kylo’s hot cock inside his body, trembling and contracting his muscles every now and then. Kylo’s voice deep in his mind and teeth biting his shoulder hard and bruising, they kiss and then they vow, Kylo coming first, savage and euphoric, with Hux reaching his own climax seconds after with a silly smile on his lips.

It’s even Hux, his hands against Kylo’s chest and the man’s big hands in Hux’s thighs, urging him to move again, _you can do it, Hux, so beautiful, come for me, Hux_ and Hux does, again and again, in that cheap motel bed while Kylo mutters sweet nonsenses and truths against blushing skin.

They make love to each other. They destroy themselves and they rebuilt at the same time. Kylo loves him and Hux hates loving him equally. They decide and propose and outline an incognito but happy life.

At the end, Kylo looks at him and whispers: “I love you”. Hux breaths and he doesn’t do anything more than to hug him and giving back the same words with kisses and touches that Kylo thought lost. For the first time, Hux forgives and he supposes that was what Elinor felt each time Brendol asked her for forgiveness when that weird sickness caught them all by surprise.

“ _Is something inevitable, love”,_ she used to say and Hux repeats, word by word against Kylo’s mouth.

They have a life ahead them, freedom and free will. They have each other. Brendol Hux II continues to be Brendol Hux II, the man behind the genocide, the face of what was the First Order, son of Elinor and lover of the once Master of the Knights of Ren; but he also is someone who whispers love confessions and he kept Kylo’s secrets because he was loyal not afraid. Kylo is just that, Kylo, without the title or the Ben Solo charade; Kylo is someone new, the murderer and the man who drowns in the darkness that invades his thoughts but he is also the unconditional love and those strong arms that promise safety.

For them, that’s enough.

 

10.

A year after the victory of the Resistance, Leia Organa received the first successful news about Brendol Hux II after months of an exhaustive search. When reading paragraph a part of herself improperly exults but assumes that this is the legacy of Anakin that cannot be denied even if he wants. His mouth a pleased and it crumbles when face is continuous reading, her eyes open and eager reviewing the letters over and over again.

Outside, the stars lights twinkling and cold. Poe makes laugh Rey and Finn feels his heart contract. Luke meditates with R2-D2 and BB-8 quietly by his side. The basis of resistance – that doesn’t have no one against to oppose -who is calm as their leader dissolves into tears, a legacy of Padmé that neither can deny.

Leia Organa cries because is the first time in months that received news from his son, who disappear barely a few hours after Hux. Kidnapped, manipulated or like orchestrator of the escape, Leia never confirmed. Deep down she knew but never dared to tell anyone for fear that his words became facts, irrefutable and impossible to avoid.

The news announced the death of Brendol Hux II and Ben Organa Solo, in the hands of a rebel group that conformed in its majority by relatives of deceased in that genocide of the Hostian system. Leia almost can imagined them, Hux dying with the blaster in his hand, protecting Ben while he turn on his blaster and barely kill a pair before a shot  made its step to the chest of Hux. Leia look his son screaming of pain and range, throwing with all his forces, killing somebody and receiving the shots in his body because Hux dies and if the universe has logic Kylo will die with him.

Then, Leia listens, the staccato "idiot, you could escape" of Hux, and "not without you, love," sweet and soft from Ben. And Leia cries and cries and cries and thinks maybe Ben used his last strength to reach Hux and kiss his freckles last time, and then die with a "I love you" against each other's lips.

Leia let out a small gasp of pain and desperately seeks, the force covering her, passing by Luke and Rey and Finn, for every living being in the galaxy until it encounters with something, small, latent, a fire that wants to go unnoticed. It has little hope that possess Leia and if there is a logic in the universe, is absolutely that. Trembling, turn off the holopad and tired she let herself dropped into the chair, imagining Han takes in his arms and lulled her and Ben with a song he learned in one of his endless travels.

One year after of the Resistance Victory, Leia Organa ordered a halt to the search of Brendol Hux II and Ben Organa Solo, and from them that will be the last thing that this side of the Galaxy will know.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want more, you can visit my [tumblr](http://aw16st.tumblr.com/)


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